Lazy Dungeon Master — Chapter 66

The Second Dungeon Battle


“Eh—, s-so this one can’t get the knight figurine then?”
“No! That [Betrayer]’s comrade is an enemy!”
“Enemy! That’s a long word! What’s it mean? Please say it in draconic!”
“Enemy means [Something You Should Trample]!”
“Enemy means [Something You Should Trample]!? This one is itching for a fight!”

Oi, that’s what [Enemy] means in draconic? As expected from the strongest kind of living creature, they look down on things with all they have.

“We’ve been negotiating with them about territory though! This one wants that knight figurine you know!? This one wants it by any means!”
“Yeah… Oi Kehma, what now?”

He just called me an enemy and now he’s asking me. Make up your mind already, oi.
Is it that? Was the master’s absolute command used? Something like [Hurry up and get it] or [By any means]?

“Oi oi, Ontentoo. I’m not your enemy you know?”
“Don’t say something lonely like that. That was for that dungeon core. You, I’m pleased with.”

So that was it. I’m also pleased with you, you know? You’re simple to talk with after all!

“I also want her to have the crystal knight figurine. That doesn’t mean for free though.”
“Really!? You’re a good guy after all. So, what to do then? It can’t be territory.”
“Hmm. It’s easy then. We’ll have a dungeon battle for it then. If we lose, we’ll give the fifty gold coins and freebie silver coins, as well as the crystal knight. In return, we’ll get the territory if we win. We won’t need to negotiate since the match will decide it if we do that. Sound good?”
“Hooh… well that should be alright. But doesn’t our side have the advantage…?”
“For that, I want to propose two irregular rules.”

Irregular rules. For example, like how the victory condition in the dungeon battle we had against Haku-san was to touch the dummy core rather than the dungeon core.

“First, you would be devoting yourselves to defense rather than offence. If you can hold out, it’s your win… how about one day for the length?”
“Hoh, a defensive battle huh. But our dungeon is very deep. Conquering it in one day is impossible.”

The dungeon certainly is five hundred years old, so there are quite a few floors.

“That’s where the second rule comes in… Our dungeon has five floors right now. So for [Equality], it’ll be our win if we can advance further than the fifth floor. Sound good?”
“Ooh, that would make it equal. Fine then. We’ll give you territory for this tunnel if you can win.”

No, that’s not equal at all.
You could easily invade beyond the fifth floor in a dungeon battle with half a day. I’d have a full day along with being able to fully concentrate on invading.
Additionally, I’ve been making preparations for the invasion in advance for a while now. It’s completely my advantage.

“While we’re at it, yeah. If you can touch the dungeon core on the bottom floor… this one will give you half of Tsuia Mountain.

She said that, getting caught up in the moment. Even so, even Stupimander Ontentoo’s eyes opened wide in surprise.

“Wha—!? W-what if they actually did it!?”
“What’re you saying? There’s no way they could make it to the bottom floor in a single day you know?”
“Y-yeah! Of course. A day huh… oi Redra, you sure?”
“Isn’t it fine!? I just want to get that figurine you know!? Along with dealing with the [Enemy (Something You Should Trample)] we also get the gold and silver coins, aren’t those only good things!?”

They don’t think that they’ll be defeated at all.

“But they’ll get the territory without paying the gold coins if they win right?”
“There’s no way this one will lose with equal conditions!”
“Then the conditions are fine I guess?”
“Yeah! So, let’s do it, how about right now!?”

Honestly, right now? Well, it’s not like I couldn’t.
But it’d be bad to rush it if I want to make this a certain win.

“Our dungeon will need to prepare…”
“Well then, it will be after a week.”
“Ooh, that sounds good. Then, we’ll head back.”
“But it’s fine for me to have that figurine right!? Right!?”

“… Please take it.”

I grinned.




“… So, can we win?”

Rokuko asked me that as soon as I returned to the inn.
I answered while patting Meat, who always rushes over to be my hug pillow, on the head.

“What’re you talking about, Rokuko? The outcome is settled you know?”
“… Eh? How?”

Rokuko tilted her head to the side, confused.
Looks like she hasn’t noticed yet… still naive?
While showing Rokuko the map, I explained it to her.

“Our easiest victory condition is to get past the fifth floor of the [Flame Cavern].
“They said that.”
“How about you, Meat? Do you get it?”

I asked Meat, who was watching the negotiations along with Rokuko. Although Ichika was working at the reception desk and wasn’t here, she probably would’ve grinned from understanding me if she saw it.
As for Meat, she answered after thinking for a moment.

“… … Umm, the… figurine?”
“Eh? What about the figurine?”

Oi, Meat’s pretty clever. Better than the dungeon core.

“Because… that figurine, it’s Goshujin-sama’s golem… right? Then, it’s an ally…”
“Eh? That thing, didn’t you give it to them?”
“I did say they could take it, I don’t recall giving it to them though.”
“But you said it was a present?”
“That was only the case if they accepted the gold coins for 500,000 DP. It’s a different story now since they didn’t go for it.”

It may be a heartless pretext, but it still belongs to us. It wasn’t a present.
And seeing as it’s my golem, it’s obvious that it’d be under my control. It’s part of my forces.
… Even if she’s the one to put it in a treasure room, it doesn’t change the fact that one of my men made it past the fifth floor.
If things go well, we might even be able to touch the dungeon core’s main body.

If by some chance I’m wrong, as in if the treasure room is above the fifth floor, it’ll already have been carried pretty deep down.

“Our win is decided.”
“… How?”
“I can confirm where it is on the map and can see and hear through the golem. There won’t be any problems since we’ve snuck a troop into their innermost floors, is something wrong with that?”
“… Really. Uwaah, so cruel.”

A general once said: ‘What is war? Something where victory or defeat is decided beforehand.’
I agree with it.

“But that’s just a last resort. If possible I want to win without letting the crystal figurine golem getting exposed… That way, we can eavesdrop on their conversations whenever. That way we can have an overwhelming advantage over them from now on.”
“Kehma, your face says you’re thinking about something bad… you’re reliable!”

But to the end, [I’ll do it if I can].
I’ll do whatever I can if I can’t win through normal means. I even want the crystal figurine golem to touch the dungeon core without being exposed if it can. Since I’ll be using special golems from now on, maybe I should [Unveil] it soon? Getting half of Tsuia Mountain might be enough compensation for using my trump card.

It’s fine even if we just win the tunnel part. We don’t need the mountain to extend the dungeon down underground…

“Well, whatever works.”

I stopped thinking about it since it was getting troublesome. Let’s just focus on the most important preparations. That is, winning however we can.



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