Lazy Dungeon Master — Chapter 308

En Route (2)


​ We were en route to the second inn-town after Mikhan, passing through a pretty rocky area filled with shaded areas. We’d finally arrived somewhere with good public safety, a main road.

​ … That town we stopped at last night was great. Being able to sleep properly in a private room was a huge difference compared to sleeping out in a tent.

​ Just then, we were stopping for a toilet break. There were a lot of shaded areas and there weren’t any enemies around, so it was a great opportunity.

​ We decided we’d have some lunch after we were done relieving ourselves.

​ “Phew…”

​ … Humans had to deal with physiological phenomena to keep living, I was no exception. Rokuko was, though, since she was a dungeon core.

​ “Oh, Master Kehma. I’ll join you, excuse me.”

​ “Uoooh!? Why’d you come here for!? I’m in the middle of something!”

​ “Oh come now. The men in the knight order always do it and I wanted to give it a try too, so I figured now was a good chance!”

​ Shikina was standing next to me as she spoke.

​ “But you’re a girl! You can’t—”

​ “~♪”

​ … Oh, come to think of it, she got affected by that [Futanaru] magic drug so she had it. I’d forgot. Wait, it’s still there?

​ “Mmmm, penises are so convenient!”

​ “Just stop, you lewd girl. Girls shouldn’t talk like that.”

​ “Whoops, excuse me. Still though, it was hard to get used to. I mean, I have two holes to pee from now so it’s pretty hard to just get it out the right one. So I’ve been practicing with it!”

​ “Please spare me the details. Women shouldn’t talk about pee like that.”

​ As ever, she’d never stop on her own.

​ “… Ummm. So, it’s still there? When’s it supposed to go away?”

​ “She said it’d be sometime within the next year… but it’s basically just a part of me now. No, it’s always been a part of me! … I think of it like my child. Like how it grows up when I care for it—”

​ “Ahem! Uhh, so, we’ll be going to the imperial capital, your house is there right? … Will it be alright?”

​ Although I didn’t exactly damage her… she did manage to have an extra, well, tool.

​ Her parents learning of that seems a bit scary.

​ “Well, you could probably hide it for a little while, but…”

​ “Do not worry yourself! For I… have realized I am a man! Just look at this thing!”

​ “That’s exactly why I’m worrying!”

​ Don’t say anything about having one, seriously. I mean really, promise me, yeah? It’d suck, so please don’t.

​ “But well, I feel like we’ve deepened our relationship, Master! So this is what they all talked about, bonding by peeing together? I bet it is!”

​ “The… f*ck? Never again. Seriously, please, I can feel my mind breaking.”

​ “Awww! … Oh well, I’ll join in on Wataru-sensei or Gozoh-dono next time!”

​ It looked like the next victim wouldn’t be me again, so I decided to leave it be.

​ Let’s not step on any snakes I don’t have to…




​ After we ate, I suddenly remembered how I was the only one left out when we were dealing with the flame dragon a few days before. I was a bit worried about it, so I decided to ask Ichika for more information.

​ “Sooo, Ichika-sensei. Got a sec?”

​ “What’s up?”

​ Hmm, how should I put it? I was worried about everyone easily coming to grips with Ontentoo but just couldn’t accept Igni.

​ “Why was Igni no good but Ontentoo was OK?”

​ “Oh, that’s ’cause of magnitudes.”

​ “Magnitudes?”

​ Ichika nodded when I parroted the word back to her.

​ “Like their status. I meant, between Igni and Ontentoo, Ontentoo’s is bigger. Like, Ontentoo’s is waaaaaay bigger.”

​ “… Yeah, I don’t follow.”

​ I mean, if his is bigger, wouldn’t that mean Ontentoo’s more frightening?

​ “Mmm, to put it a way ya’ll understand… it’s like comparing a bag of flour to the entire field? Igni bein’ the flour, Ontentoo the field.”

​ Oh.

​ I started to understand what Ichika was saying.

​ To put it another way, it’s the difference between being able to comprehend a numerical value at first sight versus not.

​ To put it some other ways, a truck versus a skyscraper, or a dump truck versus the ground itself. Like what kind of damage could it deal…?

​ “Igni’s, well, easy to understand just how strong she is. Ontentoo’s more… unknowable. It’s more like yer the only person that’d think [Oh yeah, he’s a great guy], Goshujin-sama.”

​ “It’s that big of a difference?”

​ Saying that, Ichika leaned forward to whisper something into my ears so that no one else could hear.

​ “By the way, Goshujin-sama… in terms of magical power only, it’s probably the same for Goshujin-sama too?”

​ “Eh?”

​ “I mean, yer a hero. It’s natural ya’d be that strong right?”

​ “… But like, I haven’t trained at all?”

​ Ichika shrugged and sighed, a gesture that seemed to say something like [That’s why ya don’t get it, Goshujin-sama].

​ “Goshujin-sama’s been usin’ [Create Golem] most every day ya? That’s magic, remember? And I’ve heard stuff about how stuff like meditation and faith raisin’ magic power.”

​ “… Wait, sleeping is training?”

​ Now that I think about it, I’d had to drink tons of mana potions to restore my magical power from using [Create Golem] during that last Dungeon Battle, but nowadays I basically don’t use them at all. Well, I they do taste kind of alright, so I do sip some now and then.

​ “I’ve also heard about how using yer magical power up and then letting it entirely fill back up over and over and over again can actually improve yer resilience and capacity. Dunno if that’s true though.”

​ I see, so your resilience improves by exhausting your supply, while your maximum capacity increases by storing it up… or something? Though she did say it might not be true.

​ “So then, it’s just my guess but like… imagine heroes have like a hundred points. Wataru woulda split his half ‘n half between strength and magic yeah? But yers is more like all in on magic. Get it? It makes sense.”

​ “Yeah. Great job, Ichika. Your theory makes sense.”

​ “Also, Goshujin-sama, ya know how far you’ll be able to go usin’ magic yeah? Yer upper limit I mean.”

​ “…”

​ Crap, I have no clue. I mean like, magic’s something that you can do anything with if you have the magical power for it, is that the upper limit?

​ Isn’t that a contradictory question, like if you’re asked a [Yes] or [No] question like [Is your answer [No]?]. Whatever you answer could mean either.

​ … Come to think of it, it was a fail, but I did try summoning Ichika with that [Summon Gargoyle] magic a while back, and even that should be possible if I’d reorganized it to be closer to [Teleport] or something. I just needed the magical power for it.

​ “Not bein’ able to respond straight off is what I mean. To be honest, me, Gozoh, Wataru—none of us can figure out how strong yer magical power is, Goshujin-sama.”

​ “And physically?”

​ “I could probably beat ya if ya didn’t wear a clothes golem. Ya’d probably even lose against a Pavueran punk.”

​ Oh. Alright then. Well, I’m confident in my magical ability so there’s that I guess.

​ “Hey, am I actually pretty awesome?”

​ “Yer just now gettin’ it?”

​ Ichika spoke in amazement. It got me thinking.

​ “But yeah… as far as battle’s concerned… Goshujin-sama, yer magical power’s just too much. If ya put it next to Igni’s magical power, yers would probably drown it completely? It’s like S-Rank with a good bit to spare. Ya’d get wrecked if ya didn’t have the clothes golem on, but with it… ya’d beat even B-Rank adventurers… yeah.”

​ Mulling it over for a moment, Ichika turned to me again.

​ “Objectively lookin’, Goshujin-sama’s amazin’?”

​ “O-Oh.”

​ I guess I am? I guess, since if not there’s no way I’d ever have something like a connection to B-Rank adventurers.

​ … Though I guess it wasn’t just a connection, be it the dragon subjugation or Ontentoo.

​ “So. Today’s dinner is meat from the great boar Meat-senpai and everyone hunted. Wataru sliced the meat suuuper thin and boiled it!”

​ “Shabushabu1 huh. Is there any sauce?”

​ By the way, this world has shabushabu too. It sounded like the god of food, Hero Ishidaka, made it well known… I wonder if he spread the concept of draining the animal’s blood first, too?

​ Well, I guess it’s possible he didn’t. It’d be a profitable thing to keep close, after all.

​ “… Is there a magic that can drain blood in one go?”

​ “Huh? Why’d ya bring that up? That’d be super convenient. You can do it?”

​ “Is it space-time magic, or water magic? Should the blood drain out of the body directly? Or maybe from its mouth… well, it might be impossible.”

​ “That’d kill a human straight off if ya used it on them… Goshujin-sama’s cruel.”

​ Don’t say that. It’s supposed to be a convenient magic, not some instakill magic.

​ … I guess it’s just another example of it depending on how it’s used?


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Author Note:

​ Shikina the No-Good Elf turned up here, so there was a bit of a lewd scene.

​ Our hero’s a magic specialist.

  1. Boiled meat and vegetables.
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