Musings – First World Problems

Disclaimer: Wall of text rant. Ignore if you’re only interested in translations!


Depression hits when you least expect it.

Let me preface all of this by first saying that in truth, I hate—no, loathe meaningless confrontations. I go out of my way on a day-to-day basis to avoid them. It’s not like I’m shy or anything like that so much as I just find the whole idea of being/causing others to be upset over something small to be a ridiculously useless and time-wasting thing. Well, with that I have a strong tenancy to stress out over even minor social interactions more than something major like car payments or final exams.

Right now, I just need to rant.
Stressed out the past two days over thinking about how to handle the situation. Neck pain, headache, the whole nine yards.
Other than causing another useless confrontation, this is the only means I have left to me other than ignoring the issue. Which, as a flaw of mine that I know I need to fix somehow, I can’t do without further stressing myself out.
… If I can’t rant on my own blog, where can I?

Yes, I know I’m very likely overreacting.
No, I won’t be censoring names.
No, I’m not looking for a witch hunt.
Yes, I know that people will assume that anyways.
No, there’s nothing that I can do about that other than say that’s not my intent.
Yes, I know that this will probably cause people’s view of me to drop a few pegs.
No, I’m not perfect. Far from it.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s something that happened this past Wednesday in a discord group I’m in.

Lines with // are commentary to explain my views/reactions, etc.

// Late Wednesday.
// Lacking sleep the previous ~7 days due to driving sister to a job training thing at 5:30AM (Waking up 5AM) because she still hasn’t gotten herself a license.
// Figuring out why something wasn’t working for Unreal Engine while watching a youtube video.
// Get a ping for @Japanese translators in the chat.

@Japanese Need help with this god-awfulness, it’s the last line before a scene break, so nothing after it.

// I look over to see what’s going on. The sentence punched me in the face so I decided to leave it to the better translators online.

…ye (Yabaibunni):
what is ヴィオ達

Name+tachi @…ye

// I got dis!

eston (Estellion the Sheeprabbit):
( @…ye obviously vio is a name if it has tach after)

Before is:

// I look over again to see what’s going on (I’ve cut out a few extra lines, we started talking about some ways to handle ~tachi to show groups). Sentence looks annoying again after skimming. Reaffirm I’ll not bother with it. Did take notice of 歳の近い子 (child/children near the same age) here. This’ll come up later.

@App Stil… I heard this from Vio and the others but these kids are the children of the noble families that were crushed as a result of the Second Demon Summoning Incident.

// Checks out. 10/10

God, in context that makes even less sense, lol
but, it’s what it says
the damn author was trying to put out 6k characters in a day

Not only that, they should have ended up like their older siblings but
because they were studying abroad at the time they were unofficially spared
and now had nowhere to go.
@App and that’s the end of what you pasted

There is literally no context for that in the previous 4 pages. Thank you so much for your help.

// Awroo? What? But the sentence that you linked before talked about children? (Skipping a few lines after this as well, start talking about why お姉様方 was recommended by est to be ‘older siblings’)

blegh, this author is very good at not slice of life, but insists on writing slice of life for half of it.
Thanks again for the help, though.

// Hey! Calling out Author-san isn’t called for here… let’s say something.

Btw, it’s not entirely out of context.

i think all the context needed was given?

The PoV person seems to have mentioned a child in the previous

// I bring up the link between sentences because, well… one existed. It wasn’t random with no context as App was saying.

it makes sense, it’s just a tangent

they stated that there was some incident

Reminding them about children in general

// This and my following line is wrong. Well, the next one is half-wrong.

they stated that there were noble families that were destroyed

Reminding them about children that weren’t at their house

and they stated that the narrator had gotten this info from somebody else

Not what I’m saying
At all lol
App said it came up randomly, not being led into

// Este wasn’t using @pings to show who he was talking to in a slightly active conversation, assumed he was meaning me. I mean, we were talking about the same thing and the lines seemed to match… right? Well, because of that I realized what I said was off so I backtracked to explain what I meant.

@Ziru wasn’t talking to you


was talking to ye

// That clears things up~ Keeping Yabai’s lines mostly out of this, irrelevant to my rant. But yeah, other people were talking here and there during this.

as for you @Ziru

// Huh?

is not one child

… I know?

// I really did! Well, kind of.

Just saying

// (Interrupted before next line…)

The PoV person seems to have mentioned a child in the previous sentence

// He’s quoting me here. (I interrupt, finishing my previous line before he finishes his…)

They were talking about the concept of [Child]
So that lead into it

// My head: 歳の近い子 -> 近い子 -> 子. Sentence has [Child] in it, therefore it had the concept of child in the line. The logical link to the following sentence.

that’s wrong ziru
are the same as

Children near the same age

// Tired me really wanted to show that I knew what 歳の近い子 meant. Even so, that wasn’t my reason to bring up ‘concept of [Child]’… Small note: everything below this until the next comment is from Este, using quotes from me.

the mentioned その子達って、例の第二次悪魔召喚事件でお取り潰しになった元貴族家の子で、しかもお姉様方に付くはずだったのが、留学のせいで内定取り消しになって、行くとこ無くなっちゃった子供
so it’s not
‘the concept of child’
it’s literally talking about the same people
The PoV person seems to have mentioned a child in the previous sentence

Reminding them about children in general

Reminding them about children that weren’t at their house

that’s all wrong
the PoV person mentioned some kids close to their age usable as attendants when the narrator goes to school
and goes on to clarify their background.

// I know though!? I didn’t say they were different! Why are you saying that? I just brought up that the concept of [Child] (again note, child also = children. Stupid language barriers.) was linking the sentences!

Literally saw 近い子 and mentioned that. Was just trying to point out it wasn’t randomly brought up. Sheesh.

// Me being peeved at being called out for something minor like not further explaining. I thought knowing that [Child/Children] linking the two sentences would have helped App understand with just that.

if you’re arguing that it isnt out of context
it would do to actually read what’s being said
instead of saying things irresponsibly
don’t blame me for not giving you face, ziru



What. The. F*ck.
I wasn’t wrong in what I said. The prior sentence had the concept of [Child] linking it to the new one, as I pointed out.
Why does he get to give me a sermon on reading the question when he didn’t even try to help App understand it wasn’t totally random or explain why App was having trouble with the sentence!?
The f*ck is with not giving me face?
What did I do to deserve any of that!?

At that point, I closed out of discord.
For me, there was no use in responding directly. I’ve seen Este do this before and I know that he kicks people from the Discord server occasionally, be it for jokes or for serious I’m not certain. Again though, I was tired as heck and busy even when this all started so my state of mind told me to leave the conversation before making things worse.

I later find out something was mentioned by him about the chat in a Skype conversation he’s in.

Man, I used to look up to Este.
I even thought we were friends.
F*cking dick move there.

Sad part is that I’m now also expecting to be called out for making this post.
I might just leave the Discord group.
I’m not in this to be called out like that. For someone to ride their high horse and call me out… no.
F*ck them.
And so now I’ve looped back into wanting to meaninglessly confront someone causing even more unneeded troubles.

And that’s why I’ve been depressed the past few days.
I’ll be back at translating today, though.
Can’t keep putting it off…



37 thoughts on “Musings – First World Problems

  1. ._. well, that escalated quickly… also i find it somewhat funny that under related readings it has “how to write a proper rant… imma be quiet now…

    keep up the good work?

  2. You can say what you want. But getting angry over a disagreement or misunderstanding isn’t wise. Such small things destroy more translator groups then anything else. Look at what happend with xant and crazy9. It isn’t our view of you that would change. But that of the other translators will be more wary of you responding this way to them in the future if they disagree with you now. I’m not judging or taking sides.

  3. Ziru, I believe I’m in discord chat you may be talking about, and I want to say that it’s not your fault at all. Some people are just really confident in themselves and like to force it on others. Obviously not everyone, but a select few. I completely understand where you are coming from as a member of said chat and of the TL community in general. It happens sometimes and you have no chance to argue back. If he does kick you, then f**k him. But I hope it doesn’t happen. I really respect your work and I see no reason for any of this “not giving face” shit. Just know that there are readers, and even people like me who are in the TL community, who really appreciate the work you do. And if some of the people there can’t appreciate you, you will always find other chats and other people, like your fans here, who will. –IcedTea (who f**king loves all ur novels btw~)

    1. Also, as a member of above mentioned Xant and 9 issue (I was the first member to rejoin 9 after the split), I completely understand how these issues can affect the community. If I learned anything from getting Team 9 back onto the map (sort of) is that you have to remember what you are doing this all for. We at 9 are just doing it for fun, which is 9’s laid-back pace helped create the rift between him and Xant. If any conflict is able to destroy the reason you want to do this, you might as well stop. But if you can find it in you to keep doing what you are doing, that’s what really counts. That should trump any fault or conflicts you might have in the end.
      Thanks for listening to my speech lol. Sorta sensitive to the issue…..

      1. Well, I apologize if I bothered you with my comment. I just dislike seeing these problems break apart groups, and I try to be neutral as possible, while offering a logical I guess view of the out comes. I can understand supporting, and I do appreciate Ziru’s work as well as your guys as 9’s. I understand stress and exhaustion, and at times feeling people are against you can hurt, some times making things feel worse then they are. But if I came off as abrasive or anything, I do apologize to all.

        1. Ah, no problem at all. I totally agree…..I hate to see any groups split up like this. I didn’t see anything abrasive in what you said and thought you had made a great point, which is why I wanted to address it. And for supporting us lol. It’s honestly been really hard for me to get 9 back on his feet again, but I think I’ve managed lol. Honestly, I don’t think either side in the Xant and 9 case are in the right, but I now know 9 well enough to know why he was pissed. But, as the “manager” in a sense, I can also see why Xant was pissed at 9. So, yeah. I won’t divulge too many details….I hope it just doesn’t happen to anyone else.

            1. That’s probably true lol, but in a team, you can really motivate each other if you work together well. That’s what I’ve found at Team 9……….

            2. You are a beautiful person. I’m stalking you, you say? Hahaha. No, no, no. I know this because dungeon defense is so amazing. And it is my firm belief that anyone who would recommend something so amazing can’t be anything but a beautiful person.
              P.s. I’m recommending it to all my friends.

    2. First: Sorry if my english is bad, but I am an nativ german, and I am not used to write it that much.

      Now too the comment^^:
      I have to agree to IcedTea. There can be everywhere such people and you can just try to cope with it or ignore him/she. If the discord chat your are in should be in biggest part something good and helpful for you, I wouldn´t kick it away like that, just because of one stupid guy, that would be sad. ^^
      Cheer up, only in the beginning you will be pissed, after some time you will think for certain how trivial it was.

      I appreciate all the translations that you have done until now and I hope you do it even in future and won´t get to much discouraged because of that.

      Thanks for everything until now.

  4. So you’re deepressed, and that”s no good. So Ziru, you need to laugh\hang out with friends(really true old friends or new people friendlike you know) and do things you wanted to do, and finally think about nothing.
    PS:(I’m NG with english)
    PSP:(I don’t know who I am to say this)
    TPS:(I think you need to remove this comment)

      1. Give face is something like respecting someone. If a random person tell you to do something you don’t want, you won’t do it, but if someone you respect for any reason ask you to do it, you will do, because you give him face. It’s something along these lines, english is my second language so maybe I’m not making any sense. And yes this appear a lot on chinese novels.

    1. i was actually thinking he was just kidding because of that exact line for the reason you mentioned. ”giving face” tha is obviously a lighthearted comment of sort. well that was before he skype chat thing was brought up

  5. As a fellow sufferer of depression, can I suggest finding a counselor to talk to? It can help a lot to have someone who’s only job is to listen to you bitch… That’s my experience, anyway. Just don’t treat depression lightly, it can be really dangerous… 😢

  6. I clicked expecting ice cream melting too fast and getting messy, but ended up reading something more serious. Damn.

    That said, some people do feel confidence in their abilities, and may feel rather irritated if/when questioned. While it wasn’t the nicest thing to do, I don’t think Este’s goal was really to antagonize you (though I don’t really know Este, since I’m just a plebian lurker) moreso than to disprove a perceived contradiction/flaw pointed out about them or their work/ability/skills. Of course, bringing it up later on Skype seems entirely unnecessary, perhaps downright petty, depending on the context around which it was brought up.

    Personally, I would say that if you’re not really feeling like translating, then don’t. Take a few days off, weeks even if you really need it; this isn’t your job, nor are you truly obligated towards translating. While there are lots of people who do read and enjoy the stories and serials you translate, simply put, your mental state is probably more important than slamming your face on the keyboard to hit a quota. On the other hand, if you do enjoy translating but can’t work up the muster because of this, then don’t let it get you down; if someone’s being a prick and that you stops you from doing what you like, they’ve essentially won (assuming they had malicious intent). Sounds dumb, like some elementary-level inspirational bs, but in a way, it’s kinda true.

    (arguably by saying that you’re more important than the readers, which includes myself, I belittle the value/worth of my own words, leading to a catch-22 as you can’t really trust an insignificant worm’s opinion of the matter, but disbelieving that statement suggests that the readers’ opinions are important and warrant merit even if it’s along the lines of ‘UPDATE PLZZZZ’, which would mean that this is relevant and should be considered, but at the same time…. I’ll just stop there)

    TL;DR (for the paragraph above the digression)
    If you enjoy translating, keep translating, but you should take breaks whenever and wherever you feel necessary. Sounds cheesy, sounds like I’m being a condescending prick myself, but I think it’s true. Do what you want to do, and I’m sure all mature (???) readers will understand if you’re not going to release chapters as often.

    On another note, while I understood via inference what giving face meant, I ended up googling it to see what came up, and got nothing of what I thought; apparently giving face has to do with various forms of oral pleasure. Thank you onlineslangdictionary, that was wonderfully educational.

    1. Giving face has to do with the Chinese concept of giving a person respect in a social context. Read a Xianxia like Martial God Asura or Martial World or Peerless Martial God if you want to see that phrase used in a sentence.

      1. Yeah, I’d guessed something around that, since ‘losing face’ is losing respect (and that one I’ve seen before). I hadn’t really heard of ‘giving face’ though. Ironically I didn’t know it was a Chinese concept, despite the fact that that should be the culture I’m second most familiar with. Thanks for the clarification though, might look some of those up for the heck of it.

  7. Damn, the so called ‘internet chat has no feelings, just typed words’ really feels that way.

    Btw, I got diarrhea… idk how I got it. Was it the rain? Fuck the rain, the rain didn’t give me face so it sobbed its tears onto my hair!

  8. You can not just rant on your blog you need to make a youtube blogging channel for that.
    Hope you can tell I’m joking about not being able to rant on your blog Ziru.

  9. Get better haha i don’t know if it will make you feel any better but i asked my female colleague that i’ve been cool with for like 3 months now to be my girl and she replied to me uh yeah the thing is i got a girlfriend so…. Isn’t that rad?

  10. Ziru i have probably never met you in my life, nor will i most likely meet you in this life time and even if i do we will not know of each other’s presence, but i honestly in some ways consider you a friend. i know srange right? a person whom you have never met and hell not even seen or at least known to have follown your worpress, a friend? yes. The reason being because of the stories which you have translated that have for a period of my life brought wonder and splendid new worlds into my mind. ( in other words, the fiction you translated gave me a break from reality) the quality and the hard work you put it really shines through your translations, whether that be by the fluidity of the reading experience or the wonderful grammar and language. (and as far as i know you translate alone and edit alone as well) another aspect is the interactivnes of this wordpress, i don’t really know how to word that correctly but simply put you recommend us things you enjoy. (DD is dope) and of course the awesome pictures in your updaes.
    i believve the solution to your current sitution is first of all getting some damn rest, and that doesn’t mean ”being in bed and browsing the internet” that means sleeping early and lots. once your mind is refereshed you will be able to see through this situation and understand it better.
    i believe what este did (bringing the incident up in a skype, where it should have been leeft and forgotten in the discored group) is wrong as simple as that, and i believe the was he reacted to whaever that situaion wih the translated paragraph was totally overboard. if he left he ”giving face” comment as a stand alone and not following with the skype inciden i would have believed this whole situaion to be just a misunderstood joke. (as face is usually brought up by cheesy xianxia characters, and like ”coughing up blood” is considered very funny by xianxia avid fans, or at least me)
    now i am not here to condemn someone or say whats right or wrong, nor am i here to give you live advice, on a rant meant to vent your frustrations, bu i really implore you to find whatever opportunity you can to rest up and get some sleep, long sleep.

    and let us not make a mountain out of a mole hill, as esten is a human and his mode in just that particular day,hour,minute happened to be bad and he lashed out on all’s well that ends well, as long as both of you guys remain calm and talk about this (if the situation is brought up) and not ry to maliciously harm on another everything is good.

  11. I would probably send him a virus that makes random dick-pics pop up on his screen every now and then lol.
    Anyway, hope you feel better soon.

  12. well it may just be me but i always felt he was an ass. yes i am a biased opinionated person but i feel i right about it this time

  13. In my opinion though, i think you need to brought this up on the group because as a matter of fact, youre the one that victimized here as you feel down because of the comment although you did the right thing
    And although it might be rude of me saying this, why would someone try to translate the author’s novel if in the end he would badmouth the novel?

  14. sad thing is there is translators doing translation like a job and trying to get money (way more than Ziru asking for) for lots of the chinese xanthia stuffs. (where the story is like 100000 chapters and the writer do not have a clue where to go after and drop the story themselfs) and they ask for 20-40$ for a chapter (1-2 pagers) and not translating at all unless they get the money

  15. I put off reading LDM for 2 months and suddenly hell breaks lose. Well, even in the few moments I’ve been on the TLcorner discord channel I’ve seen people be rather rude, so it does not surprise me.

    If you talk about first world problems then would me being unmotivated towards translating count also? Oh and I also got counseled by mama(IcedTea ) like you. This Friday I need to deliver two chapters after 3 months or he stop being nice and will spank my butt.

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